It’s been 5 long years since I started trying to have a baby and since I’ve been waiting, hoping, and praying. I have seen everyone around me: friends, sisters, cousins, aunts, co-workers, acquaintances, everyone, get pregnant and have babies. That was hard, but I’ve gotten used to it. The ex even got his girlfriend pregnant. That was harder, but I’ve dealt with it. I have been slowly moving toward acceptance, and it’s not an easy thing to do. It always seems that just about the time the baby thoughts creep out of my head, someone else announces a pregnancy. And who would have thought that something as fun and harmless as facebook would become the new nemesis in my struggle? I have lost count of the number of new pregnancy announcements I have seen on my news feed over the past several weeks. So, when I logged in today and read yet another one, I got that usual sinking feeling in my stomach and that little pang of jealousy swept over me. Don’t get me wrong. I am genuinely and truly happy for the mommies-to-be, but it’s hard to get too excited and it’s easy to wonder if it will ever be my turn. Well, today I didn’t want to go there. I’m tired of it damnit!
I’m at a point in my journey where I try to focus on all the great things I have instead of the things I don’t have. So, I compiled a list of some of the reasons I’m glad I’m not pregnant (or have any children) right now. In no particular order…
1. Freedom – I can go where I want, when I want, and I don’t have to hire a sitter, pack an extra bag, worry about what time I get home, or drag any little ankle-biters with me. In fact, we just booked a weekend in New York City.
2. Wine – Need I say more?
3. Boobs and Bras – I think it’s sufficient to say I like mine just the way they are.
4. Easy access to other people’s children – I work with children and I have nephews. So if I need a kid fix, I can have a great time with them, spoil them, and then leave whenever I feel like it.
5. Money – Diapers, baby clothes, car seats, cribs, high chairs, potty chairs, rocking chairs, bottles, binkies, butt paste, pacifiers, breast pumps. Yeah, I don’t have to buy ’em. And let’s not even mention the cost of child care.
6. Time for us – Michael and I can just enjoy our time together, getting to know one another, and just being “us” for now.
7. I’m single – Well, technically speaking, as in, I’m not married. I know, tons of people are out there having kids on their own and raising children as single parents or as unmarried parents, but I don’t think that’s the path for me, and well, some preliminary steps should be taken before we have children.
8. Sleep – I can get as much or as little as I want. If I happen to stay up late, I can sleep in the next day. And oh, the naps!
9. Cartoons and Children’s Shows – I never, ever, ever have to watch ’em.
10. Labor – Ouch.
Ok, don’t get me wrong, I’m sure I could think of a million more reasons why I would LOVE to have children, but until that day, I’ll enjoy every minute of my freedom and naptime.