I haven’t been posting much over the past few months. Truth be told, there is not much to post about. We’ve fallen back into a working parents’ routine of routines. Get up, go to work, come home, make/eat dinner, get ready for bed and to start it all over again. Weekends are either busy, busy, busy with family gatherings and other events, or just taking care of the ordinary chores and errands that will keep us going for the week.
I haven’t talked much here about my return to work. About two years ago, I was preparing to leave my job so that I could be at home with my daughter. I was excited and I got lots of positive feedback from family and friends who all told me it would be hard, but so worth it and it was an awesome thing to do for my daughter and our family. Evelyn and I had a little over a year together before some financial upset in our family forced me back to work. I was not happy about it. I wanted to return to work on my own terms. But, the year that I was at home was a hard one. I suffered several miscarriages and we decided to stop trying for another baby. I was sick a lot during that time and probably very depressed. Once I came to terms with the idea of going back to work, I started looking forward to it. Now that summer is approaching, I find myself missing my long days at home with Evelyn. I miss packing up to go to the park or the beach. I miss some of my mom friends and their kids. I miss having a (sort of) clean house. I sometimes think I failed at the stay-at-home mom thing, like I wasn’t very good at it. And even though I miss it sometimes, I know that God put me where I am right now, so I am trying to give the best I can to both my job and my family with a much more balanced approach. So far, so good.
It feels strange not to be waiting for the next big thing. We’re at a place where life is pretty ordinary. No weddings to plan, no houses to buy, no babies to expect, no new jobs on the horizon. I’m not really sure how to be here. It’s a nice kind of calm, but it’s also kind of….boring.
I feel like I have hit a mid-life crisis of sorts. Now that all the “big things” have come and gone, I’m not really sure what I want to do with the rest of my life. I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up and I’m sad to say I don’t really have much ambition either. I guess years of school and work have left me just wanting to take a nap.
At least with this new calm, I can focus on some hobbies that I have been putting on the back burner for so long. We have some camping trips planned for this summer (3 to be exact) and some vacation time coming up. There is work to be done on the patio and around the house. I guess this is a season to just kind of roll along with the current and enjoy the scenery as it passes by. There are glasses of wine to be consumed, camp fires to enjoy and songs to belt out with my daughter. There are dance parties to be had and road trips to take. It’s time to slow down…at least for now. I think it was the wise Ferris Bueller who said, “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it.”