ch-ch-ch-changes

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Things are about to turn upside down around here. Michael is going back to work and Evelyn will be going to “school” this week.

What seemed like a detour on our journey has turned into well-worn path. When Evelyn was born, I had every intention of sending her off to daycare when my 2 months of maternity leave were over. Instead, I kissed her goodbye and left her at home with her daddy. Now, 18 months later, he has finished his master’s coursework and is going back into the workforce and Miss Evelyn will be away from us on a daily basis. It’s going to be hard for me to think about her with people other than her parents and forming attachments, but I know it’s a healthy thing for her to do.

Today, I spent some time with the staff who will be working with her, so that I could explain her breath holding spells. As I was telling them not to walk on eggshells with her and to treat her like they would treat any other child, I broke down crying. This road has been harder on me than I let on, maybe even harder than I realized myself. I couldn’t control it and I felt foolish to be crying in front of strangers.

It occurred to me that we are just not normal. That probably doesn’t sound the way I mean it, but as I sat there, showing these ladies one of Evelyn’s cloth diapers, explaining how to use it, describing her breath holding spells and asking them to do their best to avoid feeding my child sugar and gluten, then bursting into tears, I realized that we must seem totally bizarre. We’ve settled into our own version of “normal” at home, but to outsiders, we probably seem like total weirdos.

I don’t know what our new version of “normal” will look like. Michael will often be away from home now, the household duties will have to be reallocated. Things are going to change in a huge way and I’m not sure how I am going to handle it. Typically, I embrace change. This time, I feel pretty uneasy. Time will tell, I suppose. As in all major shifts, it takes time to adjust to the new.